Chapter 5

Esther Neo rested her head on her hands and watched as a group of soldiers practiced their hand-to-hand combat. She could spot William among the other guards. He was clearly the most skilled one there, and the only one taking the training seriously. With dog-like alertness and a strong foothold, he threw off all the opponents charging at him.

“Potato!” Esther could hear the instructor’s roar, “Who told you to punch so hard? You’re supposed to train with your comrades, follow their pace!”

“But Sir, you told us to practice our defense and counterattack moves, and put all our strength in it,” William argued.

“You’ve got a lot of guts to talk back to me, soldier,” the instructor wagged a finger at the man, “Extra duty for you tonight!”

“Yes Sir, sorry Sir!” William answered the older man.

          

“Hey Esther, here you are!” Hensl the fish guard appeared, “What are you looking at?”

“The combat practice,” she replied, “William’s pretty good at it.”

“He is! I’ve always been envious of him. But he practices really hard. When I’m taking my naps, he’s always somewhere training on his own.”

“Why does he work so hard?”

“He’s a perfectionist, that’s what they do,” Hensl shrugged his shoulders, “Here’s your keys to your room by the way, nothing luxurious, a recruit’s room actually.” He handed her a single key with a metal piece attached to it.

“My room?” Esther was astonished.

“You told me you didn’t have anywhere to go, and you lost all your money, so I spoke to the administration and they agreed to let you stay here for the time being! Isn’t that great?” Hensl lifted both arms into the air.

“I… I can stay here?” she murmured, “but I’m not even of Food origin.”

“Aww come on! Don’t feel like a fish out of water. You’re one of us. Anyone can stay here. We even have Vegetable people. Willie’s a Vegetable you know, even though he doesn’t want to recognise his roots... See what I did there? Roots… I’m so good at this.”  

“Can I ask you something, Hensl?” Esther interrupted.

“Yea, go ahead,” the guard stopped laughing.

“Why is William so uptight about being a Potato?”

The guard let out a long breath. “Well, we have this hierarchy system. In the Vegetable Kingdom, if you belong to a family that’s an underground vegetable, you’re considered lowly. These people are dirt poor and always treated unfairly. Willie thought that by coming to the Food Nation, things would be different, but he couldn’t find a good job and had to become a soldier.”

“But it looks like he’s being looked down upon even in the military,” Esther exclaimed.

 Hensl looked at the girl with sad eyes. “I’m sorry to say that even in the Food Nation, this hierarchy system remains. But here, the Fungi are the rich ones, owning large conglomerates. The Truffles family are the wealthiest, with ties directly linking to the queen. Then there’s the people descending from the Fish lineages, me for example, who occupy every high rank in the army. If you’re not one of the Fishes, you get scorned at. To tell you the truth, I didn’t want to join the army, but my mum said that I had to fulfil my destiny.” 

“Now that’s cheesy,” Esther said in an undertone.

“Well, I better get back to my training,” Hensl announced as he stood up.

“Hey Hensl,” Esther rose to her feet, “what privileges does one get for being a soldier?”

“Free food and lodging?” he joked, “Apart from that, it’s the fastest way to rise up the social ladder. But if you’re thinking of a chance to gain power overnight, it’s the best job! The Queen graces our headquarters every once a week. If you can get into her good books, maybe she’ll let you work under her! New soldiers even get a two-day training camp in the castle to learn about royal security!”

“Did you say in the castle?”

“That’s right! Oh, talking about joining the army, we have a new bunch of recruits coming in tomorrow. It looks like we really need people.”

“Shishamo! What are you doing?” the combat training instructor screamed in his direction.

“Coming!” the guard-in-training replied.

“Move it!”

“I’m going as fast as a sailfish now!”

A chance to enter the castle? Esther had never felt more passionate about joining the army.

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The first rays of the morning sun finally arrived on earth. The First Change, as the locals call it, is the magical transition from night to dawn, signaling the start of a brand new day of possibilities and life. And at this magical time, a group of people were getting ready to begin their new journey…

“Soldiers!” A hirsute man hollered, “I am Eld Catfish, your squad leader. I’ll be in-charge of your welfare and progress. And in case you’re wondering, I’m not a fish, I’m a cat… that just looks like a fish.”

Esther tugged at the sleeves of her uniform. It was scratching her skin. Rows of recruits stood anxiously around her, each of them sizing up the authoritative figure in front of them and their future comrades.

“Ahem,” the squad leader continued, “Your two weeks of in-camp training will be nothing like a kindergarten field trip. Don’t ever think you’ll feel comfortable or clean or even happy, but I guarantee that if you follow instructions, you might just make it out of here with your sanity still attached.”

Esther was sure the recruit next to her was about to faint. She took a deep breath. I can do this, she thought. If it had been back at home, she was not sure she could pull through, but being a soldier in this magical world of food seemed less painful. For starters, everyone got to keep their hair.

“We’ll start with the introductions,” the catfish leader said after a long pause for the weak-minded to digest his words of demoralization, “You are all expected to know your comrades in your squad because you’ll be spending the next two weeks with them. You’ll be eating, sleeping, training and fighting alongside them,” he stopped for a brief moment, “When I stand in front of you, say your name and tell me why you want to be a soldier.”

Esther looked on as the squad leader went from recruit to recruit.

“Raymond Chickenfeet, Sir! I want to be a soldier because it has always been my dream to join the Royal Security Forces!”

“Pepper Spice, Sir! I want to be a soldier because I want to explore outside the gates of Food Nation!”

“Jan Mayonnaise, Sir! I want to be a soldier to fight the Vegetables!”

The squad leader came to a tall, broad-shouldered man, who as far as Esther could estimate, was in his early twenties.

“Clyde Bluefin, Sir!” Immediately there was a bout of chatter among the recruits. “I joined the army because I aspire to be like my uncle!”

“A Bluefin, eh?” the squad leader said, “I expect good things from you.” He gave the young soldier a pat on the back and moved on to the next recruit.

“So that guy’s uncle is the General?” “No doubt, they’re both Bluefins.” Esther could not help but overhear the hushed conversations behind her. “Yeah, I bet he’s going to get some special treatment.” Another person replied.

He’s from one of those Fish lineages Hensl was talking about, Esther thought. She was engrossed in the chit-chat around her and failed to notice the squad leader towering over her like a silent beast. “Excuse me?” a deep voice erupted.

“Erm, Esther Neon, er… Sir!” the girl stammered. She regretted not attending the pre-course for recruits. “I want to be a soldier to protect the people of this land.”

“Very ambitious,” the squad leader commented, “Let’s see if you can survive this two-week training camp first.” He continued on to the next recruit.

Esther let out the breath she had been holding.

Chapter 4

If there was one thing Esther remembered from her biology lessons in primary school it was that food is nothing more than nutrition for the body – sausages do not walk, chickens do not sprinkle salt and pepper onto themselves and fish certainly do not grow lustrous hair. But here in front of her were all the impossible beings together, engaging in banter, haggling for prices with stall owners and sipping coffee under the shade of makeshift tents. It was like watching a ‘Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs 2’ movie.

“Wow.” Esther felt the word escape from her breath.

“It’s incredible right? Our marketplace!” Hensl said.

“That’s not what I’m amazed by…” Esther stopped herself in her explanation. She could not tell him that she was a human and was highly disturbed by the notion of sentient food creatures. To think she actually loved to eat some of these food back home.

Hensl noticed that the girl was highly confused by the sights she saw. “You seem troubled. A penny for your thoughts?” he asked.

“There is something that’s been bugging me. Why is it that some of you look like the actual food while some of you are half-human-half-food? Take for example, you look pretty human to me.”

“Well, aren’t you an inquisitive goldfish?” the man shook his moustache and twisted his lips, “If I could draw you a spectrum, it would have ‘human’ on one end and let’s say ‘food’ on the other. All creatures in Wunderland lie somewhere between the two points. We can’t be complete humans, they only belong to another world, and neither can we be totally food, because those are meant for consumption.”

“So you sometimes eat you own kind?” Esther could not believe she said that.

The man stared at her with his black jelly-like eyes. “Well, yeah, we do…” he started after a long pause, “but not every food here exists as a living talking being. Like, there’s no talking, walking coffee beans, or rice plants, or algae. Some of us don’t even need to eat! Just standing under the sun is sufficient!”

Esther thanked the man for his answer. She fell silent for a moment. Who determines what should be eaten? Just because something does not walk or talk like them, they brand them as edible?

Then again, she convinced herself, these creatures need to feed in order to survive. Some of them are predators in the natural world after all…

“Stop that rat!” A glass-cracking voice split through the marketplace. A large grimy rodent in orange rags emerged through two carts of soy beans. The plump yellow beans scattered across the ground, much to the fright of the seller. The rat went on to overturn more carts of produce, an umbrella stand, a toy maker’s pushcart and set a couple of rattan chairs flying in the air.

Behind the rat, a boy leapt over the fallen carts and dodged the flying chairs. He reached for a slingshot on the ground, grabbed a macadamia nut from a basket, and stretched the rubber band as far back as he could. The rat, thinking that he had overrun his pursuer, made the fatal mistake of slowing down.

Whack! The next thing everyone saw was a dazed rat on the ground, a large round nut next to it and a bag spilling with gold.

“What d’ya know Mr Rostamond, the macadamia nuts you sell are really the hardest in town!” the boy said.

“Why thank you…Hey! Is that supposed to be a compliment or an insult?”

“Maybe you should consider selling roasted almonds, Sir,” the boy returned, “I’m sure they’d be a hit!”

“Hmm that could work…. Hey wait! Did you just use a pun on me?”

A couple of police officers had caught up with the commotion. They wasted no time in clipping a pair of handcuffs on the rat and dragging it away, all while it was still much unconscious.

“Here Madam,” the boy faced a flamboyantly-dressed woman, “your things, not a single one missing.”

“Oh thank you so much!”

The boy managed to evade a meaty hug. “I have something to do now, and you need to go to the police station to give your statement.” With that he slipped away among the crowd.

As the crowd slowly dispersed, Esther was told to continue moving. Walking past the knocked-over carts and crates, Esther was surprised to see that same boy who had stopped the rat robber just now. He was bending over the mass of spilled soy, picking up each bean between his index and thumb. His short black hair brushed with a side parting was fraying at the front. When he placed a handful of beans into the basket held out by the old lady, Esther could see that he had an interesting smile. It definitely was not the kind of photo-shoot smile forced out by actors or models, but a really sincere and full-of-life kind. It felt like lukewarm mushroom chowder in one’s stomach, if Esther had to describe it using food.

The people in this town are really nice, she thought, too bad they don’t know the tragedy that is brewing behind the castle doors.

The group arrived at the gates of a large compound painted in beige and cheese colours. Esther managed to catch a glimpse of the signboard outside which said ‘Military Headquaters’. “For an army training camp, this place is pretty cheery,” the girl muttered to herself.

“Don’t let the exterior fool you,” a voice beside her whispered back.

As the two guards walked proudly into the compound, Esther stood awkwardly on a bare courtyard, the previously green land clearly stamped out by countless of soldiers. A small platoon of soldiers were just dismissed by their superior.

“To! Why are you and Shishamo here?” A pink-faced man strode over.

“Major! We escorted this girl over.” The potato guard immediately straightened his back and saluted.

The major eyed the poor man. “I don’t need two men to escort a girl,” he spat, “Is she some highly dangerous criminal?”

“Well, no, Sir!” William replied, “I just wanted to follow up and see to it that I finish something which I started.”

“Are you saying you don’t trust Shishamo?” the major bent in closer, his gaze piercingly intense.

“Major!” Hensl desperately called out, “William certainly does not mean any disrespect to you or me. In fact, he rescued this girl from a hilly doom. I just tagged along.”

The major backed off, but his gaze still locked onto the young guard. “Alright then. Good. Job. Guard.” His words were icy and sardonic.

“Man that was scary!” Hensl heaved when the major was out of earshot.  

William’s square-shaped brownish face was darker than usual. “Don’t worry Willie!” Hensl said, hooking an arm around his colleague’s neck. “Major Salmon is just like a tiny piranha. Its teeth may look horrifying but they don’t kill!” 

William gave his overly dramatic comrade a side-glance and freed his neck from the weight his colleague’s arm, “I’ll be heading back to my post,” he said, “If the girl is cleared, she’s free to go.” With that he strode out of the compound.

“See you later, Willie!” Hensl waved like child sending his best buddy off.

A duck-like lady dressed in the same uniform as Hensl came over. “You’re cleared,” the lady said, returning the pouch to Esther. “Thank you,” Esther replied, securing the pouch back onto her waist.

“Hey hey, Molly, my little angelfish,” Hensl sang, “looks like you did something to your hair. It’s so snowy and feathery.”

“I grew a new coat, Shishamo,” the duck lady responded, “in case you haven’t noticed, all ducks are born with yellow coverings which change to white when they’re adults.”

“Ohh, the transformation! You told me about it, yea I remember,” Hensl grinned sheepishly, “So Saturday evening? Movie? Or we can go to that new grain shop that’s just opened down Spoon Road!”

“You have guard duty on Saturday,” the lady said as she walked away, “And that’s not a grain shop. It’s a skin scrub house. Those grainy things you saw…. are not grains.”

“Aww….” Hensl groaned.

Chapter 3

On days where young couples do not hustle for a charming spot for their wedding photo-shoot, the famous Food Valley offers a serene and uplifting getaway for depressed vegetables. Occasionally a watermelon-sized boulder would be seen tumbling down the twenty-meter high hill.    

“I seriously think it’s the evil plot by that vegetable queen to hurl rocks at us. See, today’s one is so much bigger than the previous ones.” A guard rubbed a lock of his greasy moustache with his fingers, “My grandfather used to tell me that rocks came from watermelons!” he laughed. “Or was it cabbages? That would have been something.”

The clean-shaven, baguette-wielding guard standing beside gave nothing more than a straight face, accustomed to ignoring his colleague’s dramatic tales. He stared at the boulder. He assured himself that it was probably some scientific or geographical reason. The boulder became larger and larger, from a black speck to a mash of colours. That was when he realized something was not quite right. “Gosh! It’s a girl rolling down the hill!” he exclaimed. He knew what this meant. It was the crisis he had been waiting for.

The moustache guard scratched his chin. “At times like this a nursery rhyme comes to my mind, something about a fetching a pail of water from the well and breaking the crown… I can’t quite remember the exact words…. Hey Willie where’re you going?”

But Willie had already made a beeline for the security post. In one swift maneuver, he swept up a small bazooka and loaded it with purple capsules. He rested the gun on his shoulders, fought to see with sweat draining into his eyes. Steadying his breath, he waited till the girl was within range.  Not a second too soon, he fired.

Four purple bullets cut through the air amidst smoke spewing from the muzzle. The bullets rained on the ground just beneath the girl, then as soon as they landed, a large gooey purple mass erupted. The girl was stopped in her rolling stint, just metres above a bed of sharp stones.

The guard felt his shoulders relax. The bazooka fell to his feet. But he reminded himself that the incident was far from over. “Medics come with me!” he screamed at a row of medical officers who dropped their poker cards and half-eaten doughnuts.

He raced up the hill, his eyes fixated on the motionless body ahead of him. When he approached her, he dived on his knees and brought his ear close to the girl’s face. The sound of exhalation was faint and he could feel her warm breath against his cheek. She’s alive! He felt a surge of relief that nothing bad would happen during his shift of duty.

A cough blasted through his eardrum and saliva latched onto his face.  He sat upright. The girl propped herself up with shaky arms. “Eww, what’s this?” She wiped the purple slime from her shirt.

“It’s jelly,” the unappreciated guard replied. “It saved your life…. I saved your life.”

“Oh, erm thanks” the girl said.

“Willie you were so cool!” the familiar boisterous voice called from behind.

“That’s not surprising,” Willie the guard turned to face his friend, “I’m actually more surprised that you were faster than the medics.” He looked at the girl. She was cleaning off the last bit of jelly from her shorts. “Looks like we won’t be needing the medics after all.” He folded his arms and straightened his back, staring intently at the girl. “Who are you and what are you doing here?” He probed.

“Hey Willie, that’s no way to treat a girl who’s just fallen off the hill and covered in bruises and all.” The mustache-sporting guard retorted. “We can take her back into town, patch her up, then you can interrogate her.” 

“But we can’t just let any random stranger into our town!”

“I’m sorry to cause you guys so much trouble,” the girl interrupted, “It’s just that I met some vegetable thieves just now. They stole all my money and in the struggle, I fell off the top of the hill.”

“See Willie, what a poor girl she must be! Those soggy vegetable thieves have always been a problem! We must help her!”

“Well… alright. I’ll need you to surrender all your items,” Willie pointed at the girl’s pouch. The girl did as she was ordered.

“But I’m still going to ask you questions later,” he continued, “don’t think you can hide anything from me.”

The girl felt her heart exploding and her hands become clammy.

“Yea yea, you can do that later,” the moustached guard interjected, “Right now let’s get Ms Rolled-down-the-hill somewhere safe to rest. Er, what is your name by the way?”

The girl was placing an arm over one of the medical officer’s shoulder. “Esther Neo…er... Neon! I’m from the faraway land of the gas people.”

“Aha! I knew they existed! See Willie I was right! So, can you gasify yourself?”

“Uhh… No… I’m really more of the inert kind.”

“Ah then that’s too bad. I must have gotten my facts wrong. Darn that Omelette!” the moustached guard snapped his fingers. “Oh, I’m Hensl Shishamo, by the way,” he smiled, “Yup, you know that Japanese fish. I’m really proud of my palm-sized grilled fish lineage!”

“Good for you, Shishamo.” The guard who had fired the jelly gun said.

“What’s with him?” Esther asked.

“Ahh my grouchy and over-serious friend. Why don’t you introduce yourself, Willie?”

“Stop calling me that!” the guard snapped, “I am William To, First Rank guard of the Food Garrisons.”

“Pshaw!” Hensl shook his wrists, “Can you believe this guy?” He lowered his voice to a whisper, “His real name is William Potato. He doesn’t want anyone to know he’s a Potato.”

Esther tried to resist her laughter. “Seriously, potato?”

“At one time I thought that ‘To’ referred to Tomato! Someone had spilled hot sauce on him and he went around having a red face for two weeks! Boy was that funny. But he did get lots of respect… Hey, we’re here!”

The sound of metal chains clinking as the gate rose slowly stirred up some suspense in Esther. Here in front of her was a medieval gateway leading into a medieval town. She remembered the fairy tales she used to read when she was four and the Shakespearean plays she used to study in school. The scene was exactly how she pictured it to be from the books and plays, but she was still excited to see what lay behind the gates. As they crossed the drawbridge Esther saw that instead of water, the river housed a strange bronze liquid. “Is that what I think it is?”

“It’s oil! Clever right? When there’s an attack, we heat up this oil and it becomes a river of boiling madness!”

Esther shuddered at the thought of falling into a river of boiling oil. The gates rumbled behind her and clanked shut. She had now entered Food territory.

Well, so far so good. Phase one completed.

Chapter 2

The new-formed gang headed towards the castle at the end of the forest.

                “Open the gates!” Two celeries bellowed. The heavy gates moved slowly away from them. Esther stepped in along with the two vegetables and rabbit.

                Maids and guards of different kinds of vegetables bowed in respect as the gang waltzed by. “News sure travels fast,” the rabbit said.

                The castle was everything that the girl thought should be. Chandeliers hung on the ceiling, paintings adorned the passageways, and the intricate designs on the carpets seemed to tell a story. Finally, they came to a large room where a lady sitting atop a grand throne was deep in conversation with a couple.

                “My queen, we’ve brought the girl,” the leek said.

                The lady stopped talking and turned to face the voice. She jumped out of her seat immediately. “My! Come over here my dear!”

                The girl tip-toed over to the lady. She was greeted by a queenly smile, “Welcome, hero!”

                “Oh, please don’t call me that!” the girl was overwhelmed by all the attention.

                “But I must! You are going to be our saviour! But look how confused you are, sorry, where are my manners? I forgot to introduce myself. I’m Queen Cai, the queen of the Vegetable kingdom.”

                “Hello Queen Cai,” the girl offered the brightest smile she could.

               

                The couple whom the queen had been conversing with bowed to the girl. “As the royal dentist and mathematician, we shall provide you with any service you shall need!”

                “You can trust them,” the queen assured, “they’re my best aides, Zhen and Zu.”

                “I thank you for your generous treatment”, the girl said, “but if I’m the hero you so speak, what exactly am I supposed to save?”

                “Ah yes, you are unaware of the turbidity that plaques our dear land. This is Wunderland, a magical world which my father had left me. I love all these vegetables, they’re my people, I promise to rule in love and compassion. Unfortunately, my sister, Joanne, thought otherwise. She raised a rebellion which was thankfully snuffed out by my strong vegetable army. So she led the group of rebels to the other side of the country and calls herself the Queen of the Food. She aims to build an army of curry puffs, processed snacks and all the unhealthy food you can think of! It just breaks my heart.”

                “So just defeat her the same way as you did the last time,” the girl said.

                “It’s not as simple as you think,” a forlorn look fell on the face of the queen, “Recently, one of our soldiers has betrayed us and gone on to join the Food Queen. He was such a brave soldier, and caring too, who could have thought?”

                “Still, it’s just one soldier. That kind of stuff happens all the time in wars, you deceive me and I backstab you.”

                “Karl is not just an ordinary soldier. He’s the reason we won against the rebels the last time. He possesses great leadership and tactical skills. Imagine what will happen now that he has gone over to the other side! We are doomed!” The queen dug her face into her palms.

               

                “That’s why we need you,” the mathematician broke the moment of hopelessness. He pushed up his glasses so that they accentuated his steely eyes. “I have calculated that the best way to deal with the situation is to send you in as an undercover.”

                “What?” the girl cried.

                “They don’t know anything about you yet. You can just sneak in as one of their soldiers or planners. You can’t expect a vegetable to pull off that feat.”

                “Oh please help us!” the woman next to the mathematician implored, “Do you know how many horrible cavities they’re caused to my little teeth darlings?”

                “Well, I…”

                “Let me show you something,” the queen grabbed Esther’s hand, “After seeing this you will decide if you want to help us.”

                They descended a long flight of stairs and entered a room with a NO ENTRY sign. As the door swung open, the smell of manure and ammonia gnawed at Esther’s nostrils. About fifty vegetables, with battered leaves, bruised flesh and rotting stems lay on small, hard beds. “These are the lucky ones,” the queen said, trying to raise her voice above all the groaning and moaning. She punched in some buttons on a counter and a screen flipped out. A video was playing and Esther was shocked to see hundreds of vegetables and other creatures locked in cages. One of them was being strapped to a chair, with a weird yellow liquid being pumped into its arm. A scientist jabbed a syringe into the poor vegetable, drawing out fluids from it. “They managed to kidnap and take prisoner so many of our people over the duration of two weeks!”

                Esther took in the whole scene. Something in her boiled and churned. It just wasn’t right to treat living things like that. “What do you need me to do?” she asked.

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                “Take care of yourself,” Clara the rabbit said as she stuffed the last items into Esther’s waist pouch.

                “I can’t thank you enough, Esther,” the queen took the girl’s hands into hers. Her hands were warm, just like her mother’s. Esther thought about her mother back on earth, her kind eyes and sweet words. She would bake lovely mango cheesecakes for her. But it was no time to miss her family. After all, Queen Cai told her that Wunderland is operating on a completely different universe, so in her time in Wunderland, not a second has passed on earth. Besides, she believe was sent here for a reason.

                She took a deep breath. The entrance to the Food kingdom was right ahead, at the foot of the verdant slope that divided the two kingdoms. Yellow and white flags flapped in the wind. The sad, quiet brick walls seemed to scream the tragedy that lay beyond itself. Guards, armed with long baguette sticks, stood unmoving in the blistering wind. She played the whole plan in her head once again. 

                First thing to do: roll down this hill.